Reflections On The Quake

It's been quite a while since I've written here. Return to normality, a bit of complacency, comfort, apathy, whatever we call it, when things are going ok, it's hard to focus on matters beyond 'what am I having for dinner'. But I've been thinking a lot recently given all that's happened in Japan. Having lived through the quake on 3/11 and not having left Tokyo for other than a long weekend in Seoul, I've had a lot to think about. I find that through this experience, God has placed in my heart three things. 1. Humility: No other way to put it than I am creature and God is creator. Sitting under my desk with a helmet on as the building sways a good 10 feet side to side, my greatest realization was that there is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. As I watched all the skyscrapers around my office sway like saplings in a stiff breeze, you realize that the finger of God is awesome in power and not a single thing man does can stop that finger. 2. Community: I received many emails and calls from friends and family to leave Tokyo. Many well-intentioned people implored me to leave, that life is more important than a job. That family should always come before financial consideration. In most things, I would have agreed. But I didn't leave, I stayed. In doing so, God opened my eyes to another insight. I had a larger family in Tokyo that I had responsibility for, my brothers and sisters in Christ in my small group. By staying in Tokyo, I realized that I was able to give encouragement in a way that would have been impossible had I left Japan. How could I possibly cite Bible verses to encourage and tell people I was praying for them sitting on a sofa 500 miles away? This was the first time my concept of family truly extended beyond blood. 3. Daily bread: We say these words every time that we say the Lord's prayer. We ask for each day's bread, each day's sustenance. But how many of us have really prayed this way and felt this way? The Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow for tomorrow has enough worries. Rather we should focus on living this day for God's glory. I have a better glimpse into what it means for us to live for this day and only this day. Not to be overly melodramatic, but living each day with sizeable aftershocks highlights for many of us in Tokyo that we have just this day to take care of and leave God to take care of tomorrow.

God Is

One of my favorite passages in the Bible is found in Exodus 33: 18-23. In this passage, Moses has a most intimate encounter with God. He asks God to show him his glory and the Almighty God does just that. What an amazing and wonderful passage. Here it is as found in the NIV translation:

18 Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
19 And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. 20 But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
21 Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. 22 When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. 23 Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."

I like reading this passage every so often because it reminds me of the kind of relationship that we have with the Father in Christ Jesus. That through Christ's blood, we can come face to face with our God and meet him intimately every day.

I was reading this passage the other day. But this time, something new struck me. The second half of verse 19 stuck out as kind of a non sequitur. Why does God say "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion"? What's that all about. I mean, Moses just asked to be shown God's glory. What does that have to do with showing mercy and compassion?

It struck me then, that God's glory is inseparable from the one quality that divides creator from creation: sovereignty. God is the prime mover. Nothing moves him other than his will. That's vastly different from anything you or I have or will ever experience. In the same vein, when Moses asks how he should answer the question of what is God's name, God's answer is "I am who I am". What an amazing and great and deep answer. God simply is. Nothing else in creation can say that. And as I think about the many qualities of God (love, mercy, justice, omnipotence), I realize that the way God chose to reveal himself and his glory is sovereignty. He chooses what he will do, what will happen, and it's all up to him. Nothing influences God other than his divine pleasure.

I think in light of this, it makes God's revelation of himself in the incarnate Christ even more amazing. Here is God declaring that he is who he is, mighty in his sovereignty, coming meekly to this earth to die a criminal's death. What a contrast, the God who is, choosing to die for us. And yet it's because of that declaration of sovereignty that the sacrifice is even more amazing--and worthy. For no one and nothing moved him to do such a thing other than his divine will. Mercy and grace given freely to those undeserving.

Open My Lips

It's been quite a while since I last wrote here. How much things have changed. I'm sitting here in Tokyo, in a tiny service apartment. This morning as I was reading through a prayer devotional that my old college roommate gave me, I came across a passage that really hit me. It's from Psalm 51. This psalm is a heart wrenching confession by David to God after he is outed by Nathan for sleeping with Bathsheba and killing Uriah. I've read this psalm many times, but what struck me this time is verse 15. It reads: "O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise." David's declaration reminded me of how corrupt and wayward we are. We are incapable, in our fallen state, of even praising our God, our Lord and Creator. David's supplication to have his lips opened so that he can sing praises to God are a stark reminder that God enables all things in us, even our ability to praise him for his goodness. And in acknowledging that on his own he cannot even praise his God, David writes verse 17: "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." As we cannot have any merit on our own, what God wants of us is to be broken in spirit, to acknowledge before God that we cannot on our own reach him. But that only through Christ and his sacrifice we are able to meet him face to face.

A Change of Heart

It's amazing how quickly we hijack God for our own purposes.  As a preface, let me say that I am going to Japan.  Actually, my whole family is going to Japan.  I'll be starting a new job there, starting a new life.  When we first closed our hedge fund, my wife and I prayed to God for a job, any job.  We prayed earnestly that he would open doors and that he would give us a ready heart to go anywhere that he guided.  And then this company in Japan gave me an offer.  At first I was very excited, as was my wife.  But then, that excitement died when they detailed the compensation package.  So I went straight from, "God, please give me a job and I'll go wherever you want" to "This can't be God's will".  What was the factor that made me question if this was God opening a door?  As an aside, I have to mention that EVERY single other opportunity I'd pursued was slammed shut in my face, including a very promising, last-minute potential in NYC.  The one factor that pushed me from "thank you" to "no way" was...money (ok, and a bit of pride).  I couldn't believe that they were asking me to come to Japan without a full expat package.  I somehow rationalized that God couldn't possibly want me to take a job in Japan for that kind of money, it wasn't and couldn't be his will.  I couldn't handle the bruise to my ego (even though I had proclaimed that I'd left my ego at the door when my fund closed).  My heart was hardened to the only door that had been left open for me.  I began to question, is this a door that God has opened or is this the ultimate test of faith wherein I say no to a job offer in hand and wait for God to deliver something spectacular.  But as the days passed and I reflected on my situation, it dawned on me that my ego, greed and pride were standing in the way of a perfectly good job that God had provided in the middle of possibly the worst job market in 30+ years.  As I reflected on the things that my wife and I had prayed about before the company detailed the offer, I realized that God had given me everything that we had prayed about.  The only catch was the money.  I had a moment of clarity when I was talking to some friends about how bad the job market was for people in my profession these days.  It was then and there that my heart changed from a hardened, prideful heart to a chastened, humbled and ultimately thankful heart.  God had provided a wonderful opportunity for my family to live in a new culture.  To be a beacon of Christ in a Christ-less society.  To experience new things and live a different life.  So I have peace.  And I have something better, a realization that through those months of feeling abandoned by God, of not knowing where I'd end up, God was creating a situation to take care of my every need.  Now I go to Japan with a thankful and humble heart.  Even the fact that I go with not as much money as I had hoped has taught me a great lesson.  He is asking me to go and to trust in him, that I don't need a big expat package to have security and comfort.  That as long as my trust is in the sovereign God, I have nothing to fear.  Even in my deepest moments of despair, he is beside me, preparing a path for me.

Peace Amidst Worry

I'm back into Matthew 6:33 where Jesus tells the crowd gathered around him to seek first God's kingdom and God's righteousness and all these things will be added unto you. I've used this verse in a previous post to emphasize that our chief goal in life is to seek him and to follow his ways. But something hit me today on this verse. I realized that I--and probably a whole lot of you as well--have either consciously or unconsciously focused much of our attention on the second half of this verse. IF we seek his kingdom and his righteousness, all these things, i.e., all that we need, will be added unto us. I've never read this verse to mean that I'd be luxuriously taken care of, but that as verse 32 tells us God knows that we need our necessities. I think this interpretation is true, but I see a greater meaning in this passage. Verse 33 is nestled in a section that deals with the worries of this life, and Jesus admonishes his listeners not to worry. As Jesus says in verse 25, the body is more important than clothes and life more important than food. What Jesus is promising us is that if we seek his kingdom and his righteousness, God will give us peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding even during the most tumultuous periods of our lives. That is the true gift that God will add unto us if we but seek him first. Yes, God will take care of our needs, but more importantly God will give us a peace that is even more important than clothes or food. For how much comfort is there in life if we have clothes and food but cannot free ourselves from the worries of this world that drive us insane.

It's been almost 6 months now since I've really gone to work. I've had a lot of ups and downs, but I've been slowly gaining peace. The secular world will say that I'm just getting accustomed to my unemployed lifestyle or that I've become numb to my plight. I suspect there is some of that as my sinful self can't be fully spared this human failing, but I believe that I'm slowly learning to wait on God's time. And accepting God's time gives peace. Not that the peace is constant or continually joyous, but it's a process that stretches and grows our faith.

Why me?

Ever wonder what Peter must have thought when Jesus singled him out to be the lone person that would explicitly disown Jesus? Jesus had just called him out, in front of all the other disciples. Shame? Rage? Indignation? All four gospels have some variation of the narrative, but I find the passages in Matthew and Mark particularly interesting. I've copied both passages here:

Matthew 26:35
But Peter declared, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." And all the other disciples said the same.

Mark 14:31
But Peter insisted emphatically, "Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you." And all the others said the same.

It's funny but for most of my life, I never noticed that last sentence in each account. But in preparing for Bible study a few weeks ago, I noticed that Mark's account says that "all the others said the same". Matthew confirms this. So for so long, I always thought it was Peter's lone bravado that had him declaring front and center that he'd die for Jesus. But that's not the case. ALL the disciples said the same. True, it may have been Peter who led the chorus, but every single one of them echoed Peter's words. So it must have been to Peter's dismay when Jesus pointed to him and declared to everyone that it was Peter who would be the one to specifically disown him, not once, but three times. We can only guess at Peter's reaction, but one of them must have been, "Why me?"

Why is it that Peter gets singled out? If Jesus is using this incident to teach Peter about humility and his weakness apart from Christ, isn't that a valuable lesson that each and every disciple could and should learn as well? How much grace would every disciple have felt, as Peter did, when Christ after the resurrection accepts Peter and charges him with his apostolic mission?

I'm sure the reasons are far and deep, but one thought that runs into my mind is that God hits the nerves in us that run most deep. From the Gospel accounts we know that Peter is often the most vocal and most brash of the twelve. He is also the de facto leader. From the four Gospel narratives we know it's Peter who begins the protestations of never leaving Jesus' side. Perhaps it's Peter who most needed to see that he himself is not able to abide by Jesus's side. That it's not from his own strength, courage and determination that he is able to carry Christ's cross. Peter needed to see, in a most painful way, that he is not able to meet God on his own strength. When faced with fear and temptation, he falls. Truly all the other disciples would learn a similar lesson from such an episode. But perhaps in God's wisdom it was Peter who would learn most from such an experience. We can only imagine how much pain and yet how much grace and forgiveness Peter must have felt when he meets the risen Christ.

When we look inside our own hearts, what is it that runs most deep? When we quietly question God, "why me?" when those things that are dearest to us don't seem to be going our way, is it God's way of striking at what's taking up the most real estate in our hearts?

All the Kingdoms of the World

For some reason I've been thinking the last couple of days about Christ's temptation in the desert. We all remember the Sunday school lessons on Satan's attempts at leading Jesus away from God, and how Jesus uses Scripture to turn Satan away. In some ways it's fantastical because there's no way we'll ever be tempted to turn stones into bread to satisfy our hunger (that's a unique temptation to the Son of God since no person could ever do that). And I doubt anyone in their sane mind would want to jump off a building to see if angels come and swoop them up. But Satan's third temptation, the one where he promises Jesus all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor, has been on my mind.

I'm not sure why I've been thinking about this, but I started thinking about what can I learn about my life and how I'm supposed to live through what Jesus went through in the desert. I've never been taken to the highest mountains and been shown all the world by Satan. But who of us hasn't been shown vast material wealth on television? Who of us doesn't have or know of a friend/acquaintance/colleague who's struck it big and leads a lifestyle of the rich and famous? We're constantly fed images of wealth and material accumulation. So much so in fact that we begin to think that our goal in life is to gather assets and watch those assets grow.

I vaguely remember watching some made for TV movie where Satan was a man in a black suit and he took a person (who I think was Jesus--remember, made for TV, not great quality!) high up on some mountain and showed them the world. Now most, and I daresay all, of us will never be supernaturally taken to some high point and tempted in this manner, but it happens to us everyday. Everyday I'm thinking of ways to make money, gather assets and hoard. I see what someone I know has, and my mind whirls into action into how I can get that same thing.

I guess for me a realization was that Jesus' temptation in the desert is not some fantastical event that can only happen to the Son of God. We undergo the very same temptations each and every day. We so often forsake God for quick satisfaction of our physical needs (turning stone into bread). We so often go against God when someone belittles our assumed abilities and dents our pride (jump and be saved by angels). We so often covet and lust when we see the riches of the world (bow down to Satan and receive the kingdoms of the world). Satan shows us the kingdoms of the world every day, and how many of us fall for it? How many of us have that idol in our heart?

We need to look to Jesus, who was able to resist temptation by shining the truth of Scripture on the lies of Satan. How often do we fail because our hearts listen to the lies of temptation?